Charlie is dead, and Ashton Kutcher’s well-endowed billionaire Walden Schmidt made his first romp in the “Two and a Half Men’s” master bedroom a delicious threesome.

First of all, I’m not sure Charlie is dead. Rose said he slipped — or maybe she pushed him? — on a subway platform in Paris and was hit by an oncoming train.”His body just exploded like a balloon full of meat,” Rose explained. So one crazy witness and no body.

Anyway, Charlie Sheen is gone, and Kutcher is the main man on CBS’ franchise sitcom, and the show looks like it’s going to transition smoothly. Kutcher seemed comfortable in his new dumb guy role — in and out of his clothes — and worked well with Jon Cryer, who plays Charlie’s brother. Kutcher has a strong fan base, which should insure that the ratings remain solid. As long as the writing holds up.

Series creator Chuck Lorre and his writing staff bashed Sheen for all the insults the actor spewed after his firing. They had all summer to work on the jokes. But now the focus shifts to Kutcher, whose character plans to buy Charlie’s house and move in with Alan and his son.

Mondays look better than ever for CBS. “How I Met Your Mother”, the sensational new “2 Broke Girls,” a refreshed “Two and A Half Men,” and “Mike and Molly” with Emmy winner Melissa McCarthy form a grand slam comedy block.