Snooki’s nookie shuts down Jersey ShoreSeptember 6th, 2012 | Posted by in Television
Jersey Shore – the show we love to hate and hate to love. Week after week we indiginantly tuned into watch the seven guidos and guidettes degrade all that is good and wholesome in common sense, decency and proper grammar. The Mayans predicted the end of civilization in 2012, but it was Jersey Shore that had many wondering if society had reached an all time moral low. In spite of the inbreeding, reckless alcoholism, weekend orgies and domestic abuse our appetites for smut were insatiable.
When Mike and Pauly would bring girls back to the shore house to bed them then bash them did we decry their behavior, hell no! When Ronnie took to redecorating Sammy’s room during a roid rage calling her all sorts of sweet endearments such as “whore”, “bitch”, “moron”, where were the PSA’s on domestic abuse? Nowhere. When Snooki lost all perecption to whether her ”crotch was sticking out” (and it usually was), did we shield our eyes? No, we laughed at their shenanigans and so the show has thrived. It has thrived not for their moral indecency but for ours because we find it fun and entertaining.
You, America, are the slut.
Let’s be honest, you were updating your status with GTL and asking your meatball friends to steer you clear of the grenades and find you a nice gorilla to take home to your Ma. Maybe you started wearing bedazzled t-shirts extra tight. Or maybe you thought that leopard-print push up bra would make a nice addition to casual Friday. Don’t lie because I did it too. But if I am going to admit that the cast has some endearing qualities, well its time millions of people to come out of the guido-loving closet.
Its now or never because Snooki’s snatch is shutting it down. Now that Snooki is a mom, she will be invading a whole new demographic which means castmates must now forge their own paths. Sure they are all working on “solo” projects but more so out of necessity than opportunity. Mike’s in rehab, a publicity stunt he’s pulling way to early in his career, because it was rumored that he was gay. JWOWW, who dresses like a porn star is designing bathing suits for women who want to look like a porn star. Pauly D is somewhere testing a line of hair care products laced with cement and Axe body spray with a very successful DJing career. Vinnie is promoting his self-help book, “Control the Crazy.”
Sammy is probably creating a line of water-proof mascaras called “Raaawwwn.” Ronnie could finally be taking his calling to pharmaceuitcal sales seriously. And Dina is most likely trying to market her motto of being a “blast in a glass” by first finding her way out of one. But do not despair, loyal fans. There will be one last season for the Jersey Shore housemates. In one of the episodes, Snooki, squirts Mike with her breast milk from across a crowded dance floor. OK, that part is not true but it could totally happen. And if it did you would totally watch.