primevalbox.jpgBuena Vista Home Entertainment
In shops now

I wish my review of this movie could be nothing more than a deadpan expression and a series of dot dot dot’s, but here goes anyhow. “Primeval” is the story of Gustave, Africa’s most legendary killer crocodile. “Inspired by true events,” a crack team of American news journalists go to Africa armed with nothing more than a handheld camera and crocodile expert in hopes to capture the beast and document it. Simple enough? WRONG! In the spirit of “Anaconda,” this croc isn’t just interested in your run-of-the-mill African wilderness to satisfy its appetite, its got the taste for human blood. And how did this croc become such the bloodthirsty killer he is? Africa’s civil war, that’s how! When our news team is not facing annihilation from Gustave, they find themselves being hunted down by evil Africans and their evil African warlord. JoJo (no, not the chanteuse), the little teenage African boy who desperately wants to come to America (and who’s parents our obviously dead), helps the crew navigate through the combat zone escaping both crocodile and war mongers alike. The likes of which would have films like “Blood Diamond” and “Hotel Rowanda” shaking their heads. Now I myself am a fan of the B list horror flicks, but when you start mixing yourself up with politics and civil war you have strayed far from the course that “Anaconda” originally set.